Captain Jack and the Chores
by rosexknight
Summary: What happens on the nights Captain Jack Harkness has to do the chores, and he THINKS he's alone. Fun little series of oneshots. I own nothing you recognise.
1. Chapter 1

Captain Jack and the Dishes

Captain Jack Harkness was in the kitchen of the TARDIS. He stood at the sink, elbow deep in soapy water. Washing the dishes wasn't one of his favorite chores, but at least the radio of the TARDIS made the work go by faster. Though it did cause him to resist a habit of his that was very non-captain-like. Singing was a hard habit for him to break. He loved music. almost as much as...Well, no.

Not as much as that.

He was scrubbing a particularly stubborn spot on a plate when the song came on. His foot started tapping, his head bobbing to the beat. He hummed along to the verse as the song built into the chorus. He snapped, grabbing a soapy spoon and spinning around.

"It's raining men!

Hallelujah!

It's raining men!"

He sang at the top of his lungs, using the spoon as i microphone. He danced around the kitchen, twirling and dipping and head banging.

"Oh yeah! It's raining men!

Hallelujah!

It's raining men!"

He suddenly froze, his eyes making contact with another set. He stood there, silent, as the song played on. He was staring at Rose Tyler, who was standing at the door of the kitchen, looking at Jack as if he had a second head.

"I...um...just wanted my coffee." she said, pointing to the coffee maker.

It took Jack a moment to register his voice. "Right..." he said, straightening from his half-crouched, bent over, mid-dance state. He silently poured Rose a cup and handed it to her.

"Thank you." she said.

The two stood in another awkward moment for a long wile before Rose scurried off and Jack went back to the sink.

The two agreed to never, ever, EVER speak of the whole, rather humiliating situation again...

**Just a random little drabble. But I HAD to write it because I just LOVE Jack. Not as much as the Doctor though. ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Captain Jack and the Dusting**

The Library of the TARDIS was getting dusty. The problem was, neither Rose, the Doctor, or Jack wanted to be the poor sap to stay behind on an adventure to clean. So, Rose and the Doctor decided to solve the problem the only way they knew how…

Have Jack run to the library just before the TARDIS landed to fetch a "vital" book, then run like he## out and lock the door.

Needless to say, Jack was EXTREMELY pissed when he realized he'd been tricked. Still, some alone time in the TARDIS couldn't be that bad.

_Yeah, jokes on them. _He thought, _While they're out running for their lives, I'll be having tea and crumpets!_

So, he went to work on the library. However, not before having some wine and turning on the radio.

Jack slid into the TARDIS's library in nothing but a white overshirt, his underwear, and a pear of socks, shaking his hips and flicking his wrist as he dusted and danced.

"All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!"

He dusted around the library, dancing around, mimicking the movements of the music video he had saw not so long ago as he dusted.

"If ya like it, then ya shoulda put a ring on it!

If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it!

Don't be mad if ya see and if you want it!

'Cuz if ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it!"

He abandoned the dusting for a moment, dancing at the edge of the swimming pool. He moved his hips and flicked his wrist around and bobbed back and forth. All while he was singing along to the music and spinning with the duster as a makeshift guitar.

"Wha-ah-oh!

Wha-ah-ah-ah-ah-oh!

Wha-ah-ah

Wha-ah-oh!

Wha-ah….."

His eyes met an all-too-familiar pair of blue eyes. They held a mixture of amusement and awkwardness.

"Oh…" Jack said as he lost his balance and fell into the swimming pool. Rose burst out laughing, unable to contain herself. Coming to the surface, Jack glared at her. "You realize, of course, now I'll have to kill you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Captain Jack and Washing the TARDIS**

"Give her a good wash." The Doctor told Jack, patting his back.

They had just finished with a particularly messy adventure (apparently Slitheen and vinegar result in an explosion of icky-sticky goop that gets EVERYWHERE) and Rose had needed to go home to give her mom the wash and get more clothes. As if all the clothes in the TARDIS weren't enough. Women. They were at her house now. They had barely landed before the Doctor threw a bucket, soap, and a scrub brush to Jack.

"It's your ship." Jack said, his face in a frown. "Why can't YOU?"

Rose laughed as the Doctor gave Jack a faux shocked look. "I have an obligation to see Rose's mum."

Jack glared at him, "You hate Jackie Tyler. Besides, I wanna meet her."

"Ooh no." Rose said, seeing Jack's grin, "YOU aren't going anywhere near mum. You'll only flirt, and THAT is something in the universe I definitely do NOT want to see."

"Rose I'm hurt." The Captain said, placing a hand on his heart, " How could you accuse me of wanting to meet your mom merely to flirt with her?"

"Very easily."

"So, there's a water spicket just there." The Doctor said, pointing to the spicket beside the it. He'd planned this all along. As if the dusting incident wasn't enough. "I want her spotless."

"Have fun." Rose said with a wave.

She and the Doctor walked off to Rose's house, leaving Jack beside the goopy TARDIS. He sighed, "You two owe me big time!" he yelled.

Frowning, he went to the spicket and filled up the bucket. How come HE was always the one getting stuck with the maid work? If anything, Rose should ply maid for a bit. He was sure the Doctor wouldn't be opposed to having Rose war a maid outfit…

His thoughts were interrupted by music playing from the TARDIS. He lookedat the blue box and laughed. "You know me too well."

The Captain started washing, letting himself slowly lose himself in the melody. At the moment, fighting his singing habit seemed trivial.

"Just a small town girl…  
"Livin' in a lonely world…  
"She took the midnight train goin' anywhere…"

He started scrubbing the Slitheen goop from the TARDIS in time to the music, bouncing up and down to the words.

"Just a city boy…  
"Born and raised in South Detroit…  
"He took the midnight train goin' anywhere…"

Captain Jack dipped the scrub brush back into the bucket, bobbing his head. He didn't go all-out, though. Not yet.

"A singer in a smokey room…  
"The small of wine and cheap perfume…  
"For a smile they could share the night  
"It goes on and on and on and on…"

He did a twirl as he scrubbed and he was off.

"Strangers…Waiting…  
"Up and down the boulevard…  
"Their shadows…searching in the ni-ah-ight…"

He scrubbed, shaking his hips and bobbing up and down on his toes.

"Street lights…People…  
"Livein' just to find emotion…  
"Hideing somewhere in the night…"

Jack banged his head to the musical interlude, scrubbing at a TARDIS window.

"Workin' hard to get my fill…  
"Everybody wants a thrill…  
"Payin' anything to roll the dice…just one more time…"

He spun on his toes, then went back to a particularly stubborn spot on a window. He was letting loose now, soon he would let go completely.

"Some will win…  
"Some will lose…  
"Some are born to sing the blues…  
"Though the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on…"

His head banged to the creshendo of the music and his body swayed. Just a bit more and she was clean.

"Strangers…waiting…  
"Up and down the boulevard…  
"Their shadows searching in the ni-ah-ight…  
"Streetlights…people…  
"Livein' just to find emotion  
"Hideing somewhere in the niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!"

Jack spun around, now moving much more dramatically, having completely lost himself in the song. The scrub brush was now a guiar, then microphone, the TARDIS his audience as he rinsed her off.

"Don't stop believing!  
"Hold on to that feeling!  
"Streetlights…Peop-oh-oh-oooole!"

He was completely lost in the music, singing his heart out to the TARDIS as he poured buckets of water on her to get rid of the suds, oblivious to anything else.

"Don't stop believing!  
"Hold on to that feeling!  
"Streetlights! Peop-oh-oh-oh-ooooole!  
"Don't stop believing!  
"Hold oooooon!  
"Streetlights peop-oh-oh-oh-oooooole!"

He splashed one more bucket of water onto the TARDIS, getting rid of the last of the suds, and posed as the last chord of the song struck.

"Don't stop!"

Jack held the pose, trying to catch his breath.

It took him a moment to register the sound that reached his ears, and realization dawned in his eyes.

Clapping. Someone was clapping.

He whirreled around to see Rose. She was beaming triumphantly and clapping her hands. "Bravo! Encore!" she said, trying to hold in laughter.

Captain Jack Harkness was not a man who easily blushed, and only a few women (and one man) had ever succeeded in making his cheeks go pink. But, as he felt his cheeks redden, he realized Rose Tyler had made him blush worse than any of them.

"Rose? What are you doing here?" he demanded.

Rose laughed "I knew if we left you alone long enough you'd put on a show. I snuck away. I couldn't miss this." She laughed as Jack glared. Finally, she turned on her heel, "I'm headed home. Have fun putting on the rest of your personal musical."

Jack glared at her. "This, Rose Tyler, means war!"

Rose looked back at him, grinning cheekily, confident in her Jack-catching abilities. "Won't be much of one."

Jack smiled mischievously as she walked off. "Winner gets a night alone with the Doctor." He smiled when she stopped short, "Absolutely. Alone. NO intrusion or interference from the other."

Rose turned slowly back to him, smirking. "Best two out of three."

"You're on, Rose Tyler."

He watched, chuckling as she walked off, seeming very confident. This would definitely be amusing.

Jack Harkness vs. Rose Tyler.

It had a nice ring to it…


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sorry I've been slow with updates guys…It's been really busy and I have so much I can't keep up. Don't worry I'm working out a system. Until then, bare with me okay? =)**

**Reviews welcome as always! =D Merry Christmas!**

Captain Jack and Cleaning his Room

The challenge had been issued, and Captain Jack's inner competitivity would not let him lose. Especially to Rose, who was acting so bloody smug. He planned to burst that blonde's bubble big time.

He kept himself in check, especially around her. If he heard music he thought of something else. More often than not, the mental image of Rose's expression as he won the game would be enough.

Rose, on the other hand, felt she had the game already won. She knew Jack. She knew he couldn't resist a good song and dance. She just knew it was a matter of time before he broke. All she had to do was wait, and the night out with the Doctor was hers.

The first point of the war was scored one fateful night as the TARDIS landed in Cardiff to refuel.

"Right! Who wants chips?" the Doctor had asked.

"We do!" Jack and Rose replied enthusiastically like two small children.

The Doctor frowned. "No. You two have been acting like slobs lately. Sullying up my beautiful time machine. I'm goin' out while you two stay here and clean your rooms."

"What are you, my mother?" Rose said teasingly.

"I'm the Doctor. I'm worse than any mum." he opened the door of the TARDIS, grinning at them. "Toodaloo."

With that, Rose and Jack were alone. Reluctantly, they walked down the cooridor to their rooms to clean. As you can imagine, it wasn't long before the TARDIS started playing music. Jack resisted the urge to sing, but it was hard. Especially since Rose wasn't in the same room like usual. This made Jack grin. He knew EXACTLY what to do.

Jack walked out of his room and down the hall a bit it Rose's door. He knocked then called, "Rose, I'm going to make some tea you want any?"

"No thanks." Rose called, her voice muffled by her door.

"Alright." Jack said, and walkeddown the hall. However, he only went a little ways before silently sneaking back. Now all he had to do was wait. It was only a matter of time.

After only a few minutes, the volume of the music got louder, and a song played Jack knew Rose wouldn't be able to resist. He smiled. Seems the TARDIS was on his side. Now it was only a matter of time before Rose's voice rang through the door.

It didn't take long. Jack smirked as he heard Rose's voice ring through her room.

"Friday night and the lights are low...  
Lookin' out for a place to go...  
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing  
You've come to look for a king!"

Jack stifled a laugh as he pictured Rose dancing in her room.

"Anybody could be that guy...  
The night is young and the music's high...  
With a bit of rock music, everything's fine  
You're in the mood for a dance...  
And when you get the chance..."

Jack silently opened her door to see Rose climbing on her bed, her hairbrush in her hand. She started jumping, singing at the top of her lungs.

"You are a dancing queen!  
Young and sweet! Only seventeen!"

She shook her hips to the beat of the piano as she danced around on her bed dramatically, singing into her hairbrush.

"Dancing queen!  
Feel the beat from the tambarine!  
Oh yeah!"

She jumped and landed, pointing at herself in a mirror across the room.

"You can dance!  
You can jive!  
Having the time of your life!"

She did a pop and lock move to the beat, doing a hip movement Jack found clumbsy but incredibly attractive.

"Oo oo oo!  
See that girl!  
Watch that scene!  
Diggin' the dancing queen!"

Jack smiled as she continued her tantalizing but clumbsy dance. It was like she had done these moves so many times she knew them by heart, but didn't feel like doing them right. She continued to sing into thee hairbrush as Jack tried not to laugh.

"You're a teaser you turn em on...  
Leave em burning and then you're gone.  
Lookin out for another  
Any one will do.  
You're in the mood for a dance...  
And when you get the chance..."

She started a combination of dancing and jumping on her bed.

"You are a dancing queen!  
Young and sweet! Only seventeen!  
Dancing queen!  
Feel the beat from the tambourine!  
Oh yeah!"

She did the pop and lock move again, once again pointing at the mirror. Jack smiled. Who knew Rose could put on such a show?

"You can dance!  
You can jive!  
Having the time of your life!  
Oo oo oo!  
See that girl!"

She jammed on an air guitar to the musical pause.

"Watch that scene!"

She spun around and stomped, pointing at herself in te mirror in one dramatic pose.

"Diggin the dancing queen!"

The music faded, and Jack beamed away as Rose's breathing attempted to even out. She fopped down on her bed, and something caught the corner of her eye. She turned, and her face soon displayed a look of shock.

Jack just beamed away, relishing in the moment. Ahhh, revenge was sweet.

"Why-wha-how?" Rose stammered, leaping up and stomping to the doorway.

"Whole time." Jack said.

"You were going to make tea!" Rose said.

"And I changed my mind."

Jack let out his supressed laughter, making Rose turn pink. He just grinned at her. "Score: Harkness - one. Tyler - zero."

He turned and went back to his room. Now, Rose was fuming. "You'd better watch it, harkness! You're a dead man now!"

But Jack simply flashed her a grin as she shut her door. He laughed once more. Seemed now he needed to be careful. Still, even if he lost that show had been worth it, and as he went back to his room he contemplated one thing...

How would the Doctor feel about installing a pole in the TARDIS?


	5. Chapter 5

**Captain Jack and Vacuuming**

"We sure are doing a lot of housekeeping lately." Rose observed as the Doctor rummaged through a cleaning closet and removed three vacuums.

"Yes, well every hundred years or so the old girl needs a nice cleaning." The Doctor said, "You lot just rolled around during spring cleaning times.

Jack laughed as he took one of the futuristic vacuums "I see…is there an aid outfit that goes with these?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"No." The Doctor said firmly, and Jack did a dramatized snapping motion. "Now then, these vacuums are from 3257. They're silent and wireless. No noise or wires to get in the way, and they take any dirt and immediately neutralize it and turn it into air in the chamber." He said, pointing to the clear cylinder the vacuums had. "You two…will be vacuuming the basement."

"The TARDIS had a basement?" Rose asked.

"Bigger on the inside." The Doctor said. "Down that hall take a right, then a left, then another right two doors later, round a corner, down three flights of stairs, down the left side flight of stairs and through the third door on your right. Make sure it's the orange one though. They like to change." Rose and Jack blinked, giving the Doctor blanked stares. The Doctor waved them on "Go on."

Jack and Rose turned and walked out if the room, following the Doctor's directions to the orange door. The basement was a rather large room with a rather dirty carpet. It needed a vacuuming more than anything. They certainly had their work cut out for them. The two looked at each other. The contest had not been forgotten, and by this time thanks to an incident of Jack singing in the shower, they were tied. With their two vacuums, they went to opposite side of the room.

For a while, the room was completely silent as Jack and Rose vaccumed, getting every bit of dirt. Partially because the carpet was so filthy and neither of them could take it, and partially because they were waiting for the other to break.

All was silent.

Until they both glanced down, saw the brand of the vacuums, and had a single simultaneous thought. "Dirt Busters" the logo read. The TARDIS read their mind, and the music started to play.

Jack and Rose gave each other a look. The look was smug and desperate all at the same time. They waited, watching each other, until they turned their backs to each other in perfect syncopation and both gave in.

_When there's somethin' strange…in the neighborhood…_

_Who you gon' call?_

They grabbed the vacuums, twirling around and pointing to each other.

_GHOST BUSTERS!_

Now they vacuumed in turn, almost dancing around the carpet as the music played and they sang in perfect harmony.

_If there's somethin' weird…and it don't look good…_

_Who you gon' call?_

_GHOSTBUSTERS!_

Now they left the vacuums, going towards the other and spinning as they went to the other's.

_I ain't afraid of no ghost_

They passes again, now at their own vacuums.

_I ain't afraid of no ghost_

_If you're seeing things…running through your head…_

_Who you gon'call?_

_GHOSTBUSTERS!_

They resumed their dance with the vacuums, cleaning the carpet as they went, circling around each other, making passes, and singing their hearts out as they did.

_An invisible man…sleeping in your bed_

_Why you gon' call?_

_GHOSTBUSTERS!_

_I ain't afraid of no ghost_

_I ain't afraid of no ghost_

They went towards each other, the carpet clean now, turning off their vacuumes and taking each other's hands.

_If you're all alone…Pick up the phone…_

_And call…_

They slammed themselves back-to-back and struck a pose, calling out the last line.

_GHOSTBUSTERS!_

It took them each a moment to figure out what exactly had happened, but the moment it did, they spun around and pointed, "HA!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello all! This is the last "Captain Jack and the Chores." I hope that you have all liked this little series. I have certainly loved writing it. I may do another series similar to this one with another companion, but I have not decided yet. Also, I would really appreciate it if you lot would all go to my profile and vote in the poll I have posted there. It would help me a bit. Anyways, enjoy the last chapter! Reviews are always loved!**

Captain Jack and the Last Chore

"You caved first!" Rose said firmly.

"Like hell I did you sang the first note!" Jack retorted simply.

"Did not you were."

Of course, this led to the argument. Both of them talking over each other, trying to prove each other wrong.

"You were the one who took the first step in the dance!"

"Me? You're the bloke! You took the first step I was just following. You led."

"Yeah well you were the one who sang the melody!"

"Only because I knew your voice is rubbish on high notes like that!"

Each of them nearly exploded again, but stopped short, hearing another melody drifting through the TARDIS. It was not in their room, but sounded like it was in a room a bit away.

They looked at each other, an understanding met that things would be settled once they sorted out the origin of the mystery music.

They walked up the three flights of stairs, round the corner, took a left after two doors, then a right, another left, and down the hall. They found themselves where the Doctor had given them their vacuums, and that was where they left them as they followed the music.

It was an up-beat 1990's tune. Rose vaguely recognized it as they followed it. As they neared the console room, the music grew louder. They peered inside the room as the lights inside blinked to the music, seeing something that took them completely off-guard.

_Look around your world pretty baby. Is it everything you hoped it'd be?_

_The wrong guy, the wrong situation_

_The right time to roll to me_

_Roll to me_

The sight before them was nothing less than that of The Doctor dancing around the TARDIS console, lights blinking to the music as the console seemed to hum with him as he sang.

_Look into your heart pretty baby_

_Is it achin' with some nameless need?_

_Is there somethin' wrong_

_And you can't put your finger on it?_

_Right then, roll to me_

Rose and Jack exchanged looks of both confusion and undeniable amusement as they watched the Doctor dance (very badly) around the console of the TARDIS, sporting a mixture of old and new moves, twirling to the music and stepping and swaying in time. He seemed to be dancing with the console itself.

_And I don't think_

_I have ever seen a soul so in despair_

_So if you want to talk the night through_

_Guess who will be there?_

He continued his dance, the TARDIS humming with him. He twirled away from the console and back to it, all the while circling it and completely oblivious to his watchers. He sang louder, drowning himself in the music as Rose and Jack swayed back and forth, but simply watched as the Doctor slipped even farther into the music.

_So don't try to deny it pretty baby_

_You've been down so long, you can hardly see_

_When the engine's stalled and it won't stop rainin'_

_It's the right time to roll to me_

He twirled again, reaching out to the console and twirling back to it the way couples would twirl to each other in the old days

_Roll to me_

_Roll to me_

He snapped forward, shifting to a more modern dance moves, dancing as old boy bands would, but always including the console.

_And I don't think_

_I have ever seen a soul so in despair_

_So if you want to talk the night through_

_Guess who will be there?_

He reached out to the console, then reached up and struck a pose for a moment before bounding around it in fancy step moves still in time to the music. Jack and Rose were practically hypnotized, now trying to hold back their laughter at the sight of the Doctor dancing around and starting to sing off-key.

_So look around your world pretty Baby_

_Is it everything you hoped it'd be_

_The wrong guy, the wrong situation_

_The right time to roll to me_

_The right time to roll to me_

_The right time to roll to me…_

He twirled to the front of the console and struck a pose, holding it as the music faded. He held it there for a moment, catching his breath before straightening himself and going out of the room, presumably back to his work.

As they watched him disappear out of sight, Rose and Jack looked at each other, silently agreeing that the contest no longer mattered. No night alone with the Doctor would ever top that.


End file.
